A Road Trip Through the Midwest - or A Waste of an Expense Account

As mentioned before I travel a lot. I don't have much to say about where I go unfortunately. So last weeks adventure was a leisurely jaunt from Omaha - deeper into Nebraska - up to South Dakota and eventually back to Omaha, or as I like to call it "Thank God for civilization" Nebraska. I have always hated snobs so you can imagine my discomfort when faced with the brutal reality that I am one. Nebraska has it's good points. It's green for starters, and for someone who grew up in a blast furnace (with swimming pools) I can appreciate that. It's centrally located - handy if you need to fly the the east or west coast often and also gives you the ability to flee in any direction.

Day one - Omaha: Holy sh*t baseball! Ok, the College World Series is in Omaha. I GET IT! Can I just buy some hair gel without talking about baseball please. And it's not like I'm a communist, I like baseball. So I fled (right past the stadium) to Council Bluffs to check out the "Casino". Can't go wrong at a Harrah's right? Not the case. A "Casino" in Council Bluffs is a cross between the waiting room at the MVD and a bingo parlor. No poker room! What's a casino without poker? Unless you feel like plunking quarters into the idiot machines there's not a lot to do (a theme for the week). So I figured I'd at least get some free drinks so I went to the bar to play video poker - problem being they charge you for drinks anyway! Are you kidding me? So a $23 beer (why do I play video poker?) later I left. Lesson learned.

Day two - Columbus, Ne: 2 hour drive with the only stop being a "convenience" store. I was given the evil eye when I pointed out that waiting 5 minutes for someone to get to the register was other than convenient. When I asked for the nearest fast food joint I started something of a debate among the locals who couldn't decide which of the two thriving metropolises big enough to support a Jack in the Box was closer. I left them to their debate as no breakfast Jack is worth a 45 mile round trip.

Day Three - Mitchell, SD: It was with a heavy heart that I left Nebraska. Upon settling into Mitchell I asked the locals what the nicest restaurant in town was. The votes split between Ruby Tuesday's and the local Chinese buffet. In fairness I did stumble onto a decent steakhouse but this leaves me questioning the culinary wisdom of locals.

Day four - Up to Huron and back down to Mitchell. Who can take in all the delights of Mitchell in one day after all. Found another steakhouse. Excellent service, excellent rolls - found a way to screw up surf and turf. Did not know that was possible. Stolly and tonic to the rescue. Glad it wasn't my money.

Day five - Sioux Falls: Well it's no Mitchell but lets be fair. I do dig the old buildings since everything in Arizona anything over 80 years is declared a historic site. Had a slight personality conflict with three gregarious Indians - sorry, Native Americans. Apparently "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you" is Sioux Falls speak for "I bet I can take all three of you so let's take it outside". Luckily for my fragile facial structure the restaurant staff was paying attention and escorted the gentlemen to the sidewalk before I had to go into my patented fetal position defense technique. I call it "The crying turtle".

Honorable mention - Sioux City: Don't ask me what's there other than a charming young bartender named Mickey who restored my faith in Indians - dammit, I meant Native Americans.

And back to Omaha. Hey, more baseball. In truth I'm just bitter because ASU choked - again. Being in Arizona sports fan is like being a French military fan. I'm sure they exist. And I'd pay money to see them try to throw a curve ball.

Punchline - I still managed to have a good time. I have fun travelling anywhere, especially if I fly first class. And meeting people is a riot. In Mitchell I was complimented on my teeth. This was a first. I can only surmise that the best part about my teeth is that they are all still in my head. That, in a nutshell, was South Dakota.