I Love Homosexuals

Got your attention didn't I?  If you don't read the rest of this you will be very confused.  It's an odd subject I know, but I'll explain.  A good friend forwarded me an email she had been sent that had links to 4 videos. 1, 2, 3, 4.  There are a lot of things in this world that I don't understand.  One that truly baffles me is fear and/or hatred of homosexuals.  Could anything be more benign?  I mean seriously, have you ever seen roving gangs of gays terrorizing a neighborhood redecorating and starting choruses to popular show tunes?  

There would be a lot of perks if I were gay.  Can you imagine combining hanging out with the guys and trying to score into one thing?  Talk about multi-tasking.  Even if you strike out the game is still on and you have half a pitcher left.  The problem is I'm not gay.  I wasn't born that way.  I am not interested in gay sex just like I'm not interested in shoving a toothbrush down my ear canal.  Gay is a choice?  You can't possibly be that stupid.  Though I admit I've never done it I'm going to go out on a limb here - gay sex is something you would have to be pretty motivated to do.  And for that ummm....discomfort, you have now ostracized yourself from mainstream society.  Ooh, where do I sign?  

What kills me is how people who have read about 13 words from the bible seem to suddenly find religion when the subject of homosexuality comes up.  You can be talking to a woman who has been to church 5 times in 10 years - 3 of which were her own weddings and was going down on 7-11 clerks for beer at age 15 but somehow becomes holier than thou about the word of God if you mention homosexuality.  All of the sudden scripture becomes literal.  Anyone wearing a cotton-poly blend doesn't have to be stoned and the NFL isn't evil for working on the sabbath but Ru Paul is the Anti-Christ.  I'm not buying it.  That can't be it.  9 times out of 10 people use religion to justify a decision they've already made, not to make the decision.  So what is the source?  For men the obvious answer is probably true.  They are threatened by the fear of loosing their manhood.  Pop quiz gents:  Does the idea of a ____ in your ___ sound appealing?  If so, you should check into that.  If not YOU'RE NOT GAY!  Not a lot of middle ground there.  You can get so drunk that you may wake up at a Denny's with a sweet and low packet stuck to your forehead but I guarantee you won't wake up spooning the postman because you had one jaeger shot too many.  As for women I'm not sure.  Their fear of being lesbian is probably the identical reverse for men being gay.  Why they don't want their kids to be gay I'm not sure.  It would be the benefit of the doubt to assume they just fear for what their children will go through.  Frankly I'm not buying that either.  They adore Gay Kenny at work but if their son comes home with a Cher album he finds himself in military school the next week.  I don't get it.

"So Ryan, you haven't explained the title yet".  Alright, fair enough.  Love is a strong term and I use it to make a point.  There are many reasons actually:

1)  I have no reason to dislike them.  I am perfectly comfortable with my sexuality.  As limited as my sex life may be it is always with women and I really really enjoy it.  You hear men say they are comfortable with their sexuality but are clearly uncomfortable around homosexuals.  Sorry boys, it's a contradiction, get over it.

2)  They are awesome wingmen!  You know why you take a gay man with you to a bar?  Because you aren't allowed to bring kittens and the only thing women love more than gay men are kittens.  Excluding diamonds of course, but they just aren't cost effective.  Not to mention they are just good for the odds.  Last I checked boys and girls are born pretty much 50/50.  If you see 4 gay men at a bar that's 4 women out there somewhere that don't wanna settle for sitting home alone and polishing off a bottle of merlot. 

3)  Gay people take friendship very seriously.  The sad reality is that many (perhaps most) homosexuals don't have intact relationships with their families.  Add to that they have no kids and most aren't in a life long relationship.  Their circle of friends is their family.  If you become good friends with a gay person believe me, they'll never forget you at Christmas.

4)  They know what it's like to be judged.  When they dare to be themselves they do so knowing full well that they will be judged for it.  Now this is true of everyone if you want to be literal but not nearly so much.  Having felt the sting of judgement they are not one's to do the same.  

5)  Because no one is more wrongly persecuted and dammit that's just not right.  It was wrong 1000 years ago, it's wrong now and it will always be wrong.  Sometimes it's not easy to know what's right but most of the time it's blatantly obvious.